Emotional eater. Yes this is definitely me. When stressed, angry or upset I turn to food. Some people go off food, but not i. I devour my feelings in food.
It’s horrible and it’s got to stop. I’ve become okay at controlling it recently as I don’t really eat processed foods anymore but it’s always a concern
The other day I dropped my sister off to my other sisters birthday meal. I watched them all for a minute sat there together whilst I watched from outside in the car and realised I’m not a part of my own family. Was like a Scene from tiny Tim when everyone’s eating xmas dinner and he only gets to watch from the outside. It was horrible. I didn’t even get an invite. The only one I’m remotely close to is my other sister. She is the only connection I feel I have to them. I used to wish for nothing more than spending a whole xmas day with them all but they’re always too busy spending time as a family and they don’t want me there spoiling it for them. Charming, I know. I don’t think they realise how horrible it is to see mountains of presents for your siblings and when you turn up you get a jumper, Or just cash. No thought put in. Don’t get me wrong until I moved out at 16 xmas presents were great. They like to use the “you got all this when you were younger” saying but doesn’t matter what age you are your mums still your mum and if she can’t be bothered with you at Xmas it’s a sad state of affairs really isn’t it. It’s not even the cost of the things it’s the lack of thought compared to the others.
I was a pretty naughty child but now I’m an adult they should really move on and give me a chance. I’ve changed a lot but they wouldn’t know that as they don’t even know me anymore.
Once you’ve moved out I guess your forgotten to my parents. Luckily I’m spending xmas day with my partners family.
Anyways enough sob story.. I drove home, cried and reached straight for the crisps. My safety blanket…FOOD.
I stuffed a few corn tortillas in my gob then stopped. My partner, bless him was staring at me like I was a crazed loon. It’s just what I do .I try and cram in as much as I can in one mouthful. What a sight! Anyway after a couple of handfuls and some strange looks I put the bag down and thought about it.
Do I want my feelings to bring me down and control my weight loss.. NO.
I’m getting fit for myself and no one else. I’m wanting to get strong and push my body as far I can, for me and me only, so the emotional eating has to stop. I control what goes into my mouth and I can control how to change those feelings of resentment and hurt and instead focus on the positives like I have my OWN family of four now, my wonderful partner and two beautiful girls. I have his family and I have a handful of good friends. These are the people I will continue to put my energies into from now on.
Emotional eating be gone! You are not welcome. I will aim to exercise all that anger out in future. Champion boxer here we come 😉
Happy Wednesday people 🙂 x