I’m not going to lie. Today I open the papers and they scare me. I see war, I see toddlers drowning, I see articles like this  

 and it makes me sick. I am so scared to live in this world knowing that children are being neglected like this. I have a toddler. I sit up at night a lot recently and go through all the worse scenarios that could happen to her in my head and it terrifies me. There are so many sick human beings in today’s world. I sit up and think of the children I wish I could save and make a difference to. I sit and wonder why people are having children they cannot provide for or look after. It makes me want to be a better mother for my children but it also feels my heart with dread. I’m so scared reading all these things, knowing that there are such monsters out there that I want to wrap my girls up in cotton wool and never let them go. I can’t it’s unrealistic.

Does anyone feel like this, does anyone else lay awake at night and think horrible thoughts. I hate feeling too much and seeing everyday new hurt around the world. 

How can a parent abandon their own child. I just don’t understand. No matter how dire things were for me my children would always take priority. Everything I do is for the best interest in them. My operation is scaring me. What would happen if I died. Ideally I’d like them to stay with my husband. He’s stable they would live in the home they always have and they’d have each other and him. He’s bringing them up with me and they adore him but they have different dads and I fear they would get seperated if I died. This scares me. It feels me with fear. Tonight I’m very anxious. I have been for a while and with every story I read in the paper it worsens. 

Where are the decent human beings.? Why are there so many monsters in today’s society? How do we help? Where does it stop? So many questions. Not so many answers.