I never really thought I was that fat… I just didn’t see it. Even at my biggest 21.7 stones I couldn’t see it. I made excuses telling myself because people didn’t comment on my weight, it didn’t matter. It did.
My health suffered, my mental well being suffered, my body suffered. My knees still give me problems occasionally and click like an old lady whilst walking up stairs. I had to change. I didn’t recognise the person staring back at me in the mirror. How had I let this happen.
I wasn’t always overweight. In fact quite the opposite when I was 13 I was very slim. I moved out of home when I was 16 not properly educated on healthy eating and cooking. I binged and had boozy nights out with my friends. Endless kebabs, drinks and junk food later I became big. I didn’t exercise I became lazy. I used to love running and cross country. I stopped it all. Everything I once enjoyed I suddenly hated. It was a cycle of abuse.
You eat because you feel sad. Then you feel sad because you’ve eaten. You put on weight because you binged and now your fatter and you hate yourself even more than when you started. Now this is a really really hard cycle to break. I now replace eating my sadness with exercise or a bath, anything to break that habit of binging on food to make myself feel better. It never does.
I remember this girl. Yes that’s me. I remember my first night out with a new group of friends. Yes I was the fattest and I had just overcome a really serious illness. I was fat still before. The illness just made it worse. The steroids were dreadful. This girl wanted to be beautiful. Look at my face, you can the sadness of it all. It’s a horrible feeling being the biggest one in your social group. Not feeling as pretty as others because your weight makes you look like a fat Chinese man. Please note I’ve taken a few makeup classes since then (I bloody needed it!) 😂
I recognise this girl for sure as its me now. Now I smile because I know I’ve worked hard. I still hate parts of my body. This will always be an issue for me, but I’m learning to love myself more. I’m fuelling my body with good foods to help my body in the long run. I exercise to keep fit so I can run after my girls and play with them. I want to be a positive role model for my girls. I want to be a role model for all the girls wanting to start losing weight no matter how big and how far their journey is.
It’s not just a physical thing like I’ve said before. It’s also mental. You will lose weight a lot quicker than it will take your mind to see it. Take photos of your progress. I still see a fat girl in the mirror and it’s only when I see comparison photos that I can see just how far I’ve come.
Not everyone who is slightly larger is unhealthy just like not everyone who is slim is healthy. Keep this in mind when you judge others. Be kind. Most of all be yourself and always strive to be a better version of yourself. Don’t give up. No Matter how long it takes. I gave up a lot before it suddenly clicked. Seek help. Use the Internet to find good recipes and people that will help you and not sell you stupid diet plans and pills that don’t work.
Get wise and work hard. Weightlift. It will not bulk you up. Be strong. Not skinny. Eat naturally. Our bodies aren’t made to eat all of this new sugary processed crap. Enjoy new ways of cooking and most importantly enjoy life and drink lots of water.
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