Does anyone hate them-self as much as I?
I look in the mirror and all I see is the body of an 80 year old.
It is soul destroying to have lost ten stone and be left with so much excess skin and no boobs and not be able to do anything about it because of lack of money.
I hate myself. 100% hate myself. There is nothing currently I like. I am depressed about my body. I’ve spent the last half an hour crying. Knowing I have to get married in Jamaica next month and feel self conscious about my saggy body yet I’ve spent years working hard on my body. It’s like working your ass off at work and never getting any further in your career. I’m lost in the abyss of saggy skin and it’s killing me.
I’ve had dark thoughts of cutting my tummy open just to show the doctors who refuse outright to fund me for a tummy tuck just how serious I am.
I bend over and my belly and boob skin hang from me like udders on a cow. I’m 28 I just want my body back to some normality.
I’ve lost ten stone and I am no happier for it currently. That is the dark side of the weight loss, when I was fat I had people stare and make cruel taunts but at least my skin was tight and didn’t look like a leather handbag.
Now people will taunt me for my loose horrid skin.
Summer will come and il be even more self conscious than I was before.
It’s heartbreaking. I’ve worked so hard. For nothing.
I hate myself and no matter how beautiful my partner tells me I am, I will never believe this. The skin consumes me.
I hate myself
Aime.
Tenstoneslost 
February 17, 2015 at 3:35 pm
Your skin is a badge of honour for what you’ve achieved. You are beautiful inside and outside and you are marrying a wonderful man who adores you. Im praying for the nhs to have softer hearts and help you with the surgery
Love you
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February 21, 2015 at 8:37 am
Thank you. Xxx
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February 17, 2015 at 5:29 pm
This is so hard to read. You were (and still are!) one of those girls I really look up to. There are not many of these, to be compltely honest.
I totally get where you’re coming from. I was always surprised at how proud you sounded. I hope that one day you can get the money to get the operation. How are the warps working out? I felt like there is a huge difference and also the toning you did made a huge difference in my eyes. Keep working, you can do that Aime!
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February 21, 2015 at 8:37 am
I used to be proud, but the skin ruined that. The more I lose the worse it gets even though I work out so hard and do toning exercises. Thanks for the comment babes. Xx
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February 24, 2015 at 11:28 am
Just keep going, it does get better as we all saw in the picture. I can imagine how hard it is to live with it, especially knowing that the money isn’t there for surgery.. but you can get through that and at some point in life, you will have that surgery!
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February 19, 2015 at 5:17 pm
What you have accomplished in your weight loss journey is an inspiration to me. I am just starting my journey and I admire your determination. I hope for you that you can see yourself through the eyes of others that are looking at you with admiration.
http://www.sprinklesofpeace.wordpress.com
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February 21, 2015 at 8:36 am
Thank you so much. Xx
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February 20, 2015 at 6:10 pm
Oh this was so disheartining to read! Please be nothing but Proud girl of what you have accomplished. I know what you mean about looking in the mirror and still not being happy and hating the reflection!!! I do this everyday. Do you have a buddy system through your journey? They can be so helpful! Lift you when your feeling like that. Think about what it felt like the last time you slipped on a pair of pants that were one size down? the truth of the matter is on the inside your vital organs and blood streams are looking shinny and new 🙂 that’s what really matters! Trust the process! Your progress is an inspiration to me and I am sure many others 🙂
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February 21, 2015 at 8:36 am
Thank you for your kind words. Means a lot to me. I just need to learn to start loving myself. It’s hard when you hate the person you see in the mirror. X
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February 21, 2015 at 3:47 pm
This literally broke my heart to read that you are so down. I have read the comments and they’re all true, but I know it probably doesn’t change how you feel when you have to face the mirror. It’s a sick and cruel joke considering how hard you have worked and it’s certainly not fair that your doctors won’t fund surgery when they do for others who, in my opinion, don’t deserve it as much as you. Like everyone else has said, be proud of what you have achieved; the strength and determination you’ve shown just proves the sort of woman you are, NEVER to be beaten. This is just another obstacle to overcome and I truly believe you will.
It might be a stupid idea (I have a lot of them!) but have you considered a fundme page or something like that? I know I’ve been inspired by your blog and I bet others have too. I’d be willing to help, albeit I don’t have much, but you know, as Tesco says, every little helps!
Stay strong, lovely. You’re a warrior if ever I saw one! x
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February 23, 2015 at 11:01 am
Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. Xx I wouldn’t want to set up a fund me when there so many more worthy causes like children raising funds to operate etc, it wouldn’t feel right. X
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February 23, 2015 at 12:07 pm
After I dropped weight I have carried a deep fear of being fat again. Please research Anorexia after weight loss! It happens more often then what the media discusses! Hating your body is one of the first signs you are developing into anorexic patterns. (No I am not a Psychologist!) We are often told how happy and great we will feel after we lose the weight. It is harder to shed our mental illusion of ourselves then what it is to get rid of the weight itself! The pain of struggling with weight goes very deep within ourselves!
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February 23, 2015 at 12:38 pm
I don’t think it’s s case of anorexia I just hate my skin, a product if the weight loss, I love food too much to skip a meal but I do need help changing my perceptions of myself. I’m saving up for surgery I’m hoping the physical change will be enough to help me feel complete. Thank you. X
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February 23, 2015 at 12:41 pm
Your welcome.
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February 24, 2015 at 11:37 am
hello aime, I was really sad to read this post. I think you look great right now, you have a lovely shape, you’ve got a fab waist your face looks healthy and bright. I also admire your posts and how honest you are, i would feel completely out of comfort zone to highlight the bits i don’t like for other people to see, but maybe thats the way forward, to accept it and get support from others.
I have also been in that state of mind when you just look in the mirror and hate yourself. I used to feel extremely happy with my body even though there were things I didn’t like I was still happy with it and myself, and that overcame the slight worries. Recently I have lost some confidence and self esteem and the little worries i have had became huge issues in my eyes, I became obsessive looking in the mirror at bad angles at the bits i hated probably every half hour during the day. I am still struggling right now with this (up one day and down the other), but have learnt to look at my body as a whole and look at it in context to the rest of my body, instead of just looking at individual bits as one thing. Also when I exercise, feeling that muscle ache the next day makes you able to literally feel the good bits in your body, the muscle, even things like moisturising every day to make sure i know what my body feels like on the outside and what the shape is has made it easier to cope with what i look like. I’m hoping these things are helping. Another thing I try to do, is be aware of your thinking, if I feel myself saying I Hate Myself, then I try to remember to say I Like Myself three times more, even if you don’t believe it when you say it, it makes a difference over time.
Also you have set yourself a goal to save up for surgery so think about your work towards that goal and how positive it is, you are doing something for yourself.
And after that remember to look at your whole body in total, your body is shape is womanly and lovely. If you have had a weekend of binging, don’t let it get you down, its happened you can’t change it, and the main thing is that you don’t go back to that as your lifestyle, but you can start eating good food again and exercise, remember the motivations you had a why you wanted to start this whole process in the first place.
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